Auld Lang Syne

its a poem written by Robert Burn and set to a old scottish folk song. It is usually sung during the midnight of new years and talks abut saying good bye to the year gone by.

Yes it is that time of the year again, already.. Where i cant wait for another year to get over and a new year to start. Hoping against hope that the coming year will give me what this year could not, what i am not sure i even want. As another year draws close, i am no where close to having a child, last year this time i was so sure 2014 will be the end of it, my infertility journey. SO what if the IUIS failed all I need is an IVF and thats it. A year later i have nothing, no child and a no hope that anything will work. 2014 has been a horrible year and  I am glad that it is getting over. I have lost too much, my first kid, my work life, and my peace of mind in 2014. But the most important thing i lost this year is hope. Hope that the light at the end of the tunnel will ever be seen.

This year made me question myself, my believes, i always thought that having a child will make me complete, Now i am not even sure. Its back to being dark and twisty, its back to flashbacks, its back to nightmares …its back to bleak moments when i feel ending this might just be easier. I gave myself one year last year, saying if it doesnt work i will hand my boots and make my peace. As we end this year i am no where close to being at peace, instead i am looking at another year of struggle, meds .. can someone just let me know how long do i have to travel? When is it time for me to give up?

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