baby Ritz, Mommyhood after infertility, Musings, Uncategorized

Day 54 of Life ..

Today babyritz is celebrating day 54 of his life, that is how the docs in NICU measure my little bean once he was out in terms of days. All his report read day 7 of life these tests were done, he weighed so and so at day 10 of life. Initially when we got baby home we were shit scared and continued to measure him thru days like we crossed day 11 of his life and baby is alive 🙂

Soon as other milestones started the concept of days diminished and now we are measuring baby in weeks and in months but the days measure is still etched in my mind. Almost as a proof of all that we went through on the journey of parent hood. I know with this statement most of the people will laugh and let me know that its not even the beginning of beginning. But these few weeks have been hard and reveling on how deep motherhood goes. And i almost am on the verge if taking back all the harsh words i ever called other mom’s whose children throw a tantrum in super market or have caused me inconvenience in the flights i took.

When ever i met a new mom i always wondered on how happy they looked, how content and how perfect but offlate i have started to wonder was it my infertility blinkers that made me look at a picture perfect ‘grass being greener on other side’. There have been major meltdowns in these weeks, where in nights my baby has cried and i have cried with him because i am unable to comfort him, or understand him. I wonder all the time is motherhood so hard or the fact that i had him after so much of struggle i am over critical on myself. In middle of all this there is literature thrown at ur face saying sleep train ur baby, now a new one pee train ur baby.. and u wonder where is the time? To even think? let alone a routine.. then u wonder what if its too late to set up a routine? what if ur kid actually is that bawling kid in supermarket?

We are on day 54 of life and we are still taking one day at a time, there are things still being pushed saying may be next day, next time.. but i am happy to say that we are slowly getting into a bath and after bath nap routine. Yest was the first night where baby slept peacefully thru getting up only twice for feeds, that too sleeping right off after drinking. Lets hope this continues and is beginning of less sleep nights instead of sleepless nights

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