baby Ritz, IVF #2, milestones, Mommyhood after infertility

Solids sleep and sanity!

Baby Ritz started solids!!! So over the last few weeks we had a small ceremony at home where we dressed my baby like a groom and made him have his first bite of rice pudding called payesh in Bengali 🙂 and my baby loved it!!!!  Post that we have taken blw approach despite much opposition from parent unit. It’s been a week and half and honestly I am not sure if baby Ritz is eating anything. Till now we ordered him banana,mango, boiled potatoes, boiled carrot, some semolina pudding. He ate very little,i even put some in his mouth and Pat it came back.. we are still feeding on demand so I m not too worried. Anything to avoid the hassle of wondering what my baby shud eat so we will go the blw path for some time more. Shout out to drunkstorks.wordpress.com and awaitingautumn.wordpress.com for agreeing to help me.

The last few weeks in fact the last few months have been whirlwind. we had we had our first family illness and our first vacation. We went on a short trip to Kolkata and the difference in temp caused us to go bonkers. Man Ritz fell sick so sick that he was absolutely down and out for two days. He had a fever of about 104 degree! It’s a miracle that he didn’t fall down or pass out! Mommy Ritz was down with cold and was about to hit the sack with fever when baby Ritz developed some cold. We had to rush to ER twice and get nebulized with adrenaline. We were doing that at home as well. Thankfully before going on our first vacation to Goa bub recovered ! Only to be hit by a growth spurt! So the entire vacation I spent feeding bub .. round the clock every hour in day and every two hours in night!

Which brings us to the sleep bit of my post.. my bub just won’t sleep! V have hit another I dunno what he just won’t go down for more than 15-20 mins. Sometimes he just won’t go down! Whole day some one shud be around talking playing ofcourse we get very tired and the super cranky. But try as I may I can’t make him sleep for more than 45 mins at stretch and that too when I am with him all the time! How do i catch rest! I move in my sleep and slight movement bub is up! We went through a phase where BR just wanted to feed through out the night.. like every hour. Then he would wake up fully at 4:30 and want to play and scream.. well needless to say I m beginning to lose it.. my parents were in town for few days so atleast I could get the tiny things like getting the party and the ceremony organized but I am still running on tonnes of sleep deficit. Adding to this to save me from getting up we started co sleeping and now man Ritz just accidents wakes baby Ritz up my either putting his hans on his face or by sleeping on his hand. I am not sure which is more cumbersome getting out thrice plus time every night or feeding 5 plus times lying down? Aah I hate baby choices….

So yeah it’s been 7.5 months of baby Ritz and the point where life is suppose to return to new normal is just moving farther away.. amongst other things baby Ritz is pro at rolling now and diaper changes are night mare! We can half sit now.. like of I keep him on my lap with his head on the crook of my arm he wi sit up! We love colors and soft toys. we have a special favorite a rag doll! But we are as naughty as naughty gets!!! Screaming shouting giggling.. all good nice and cuddly But  I am going insane with lack of sleep

 

 

Advertisements
baby Ritz, celebrations, milestones, Mommyhood after infertility

Six month old!

My munchkin turned 6 months based on his due date on 18th of June. I know its  tad bit late for blogging about it but hey its all about recording the milestones yeah?

V had a tiny little party at home with our neighbour cum friends. It was loads of fun, tho i had to work berry berry hard for it. My biggest grudge with man ritz is that its very difficult to make him get excited for anything, so after a point it becomes very difficult for me to keep up the enthusiasm!!! So for his 6th month celebration v started working 2 days before???? this added to on going regression which my boy is perennially having  meant really hasseled momma. Plus we were travelling to meet maternal grandparents the very next day so the packing was due!! But thankfully it came together all in the end. Man ritz was home that day and decided to help me out with decorating the house. Leaving you with some pics

baby Ritz, milestones, Mommyhood after infertility

5 months :)

We are 5 months!!!!! yeah we spent a good 152 days on this earth :)!!!! I have been around, just post mom dad leaving all hell has broken loose!! I have no idea where allthe time goes!!!! 😀

Bubs is a hand full, he likes to talk play and is extremely fond of the idea is that mommy is a milk vending machine, a transporter and a poop cleaner rolled into one! 😀 Also it is his firm belief that napping is for babies with weak heart! So even though our eyes get droopy and watery with sleep we will not sleep at all! it is very very tiring for mumma!!! because she has to be up and entertaining from 7 in morning till 8 in night along with other chores!!!

in other milestones we rolled over!! both ways !!! ON 14th may BR was trying to tilt his head to look at his dad gardening and just ended up taking momentum and turning all the way on his tummy. Though off late i m sure it was fluke because he hasn’t done it ever again! he can turn to his both sides but does not go the complete way!!!Though he has started to enjoy his tummy time a lot more. And sometimes when he gets very tired, he just goes back on his back on his own!!!    We have started mouthing too, so anything and everything we can get our hands on gets in to our mouth and yeah along with transporter and poop cleaner mom is a chew toy too!! i have been chewed on multiple times .. this tiny ball of human will one day grow teeth!! it seems unbelievable!

BR smiles and giggles a lot, it sometimes seems like a third party thing still. Like its all happening in a dream. This happy cute bundle of joy cant be real!! i love it when he sleeps on me, i love the smell and the tiny hands hugging me .. love the way the tiny hands hang on to my neck. We are still following gentle parenting and are into feeding on demand, babywearing and well in gen letting baby ritz be the boss. And yes we moved to cloth diapers!!!!!! That was a big deal for me, thankfully BR is not a pooper! we get damaged once in few days i am lucky that way 😀 We started with one AIO, one pocket, one cover and one fitted. I think i have found my peace with pockets and AIOs, in last month my stash moved form 4 diapers and 6 inserts to 21 diapers and god only knows how many inserts!! We are big on flats too. Though we are yet to move away from disposables in night, I did get couple of charcoal bamboo inserts and mostly will try and see if i can move aay from disposable soon. I bot a disposable pack with wetness indicator just to see how much does baby ritz pee in the night so that i can figure of we can go all the way w/o changing diaper in the night. We are going through sleep regression and i want to reduce baby ritz’s waking up as much as possible

I have been really really bust off late, i dont now what am i doing wrong but i seem to be having a melt down every other day. This when the hard parts like teething, sickness, separation anxiety has not started yet. We have just hit sleep regression and the regression is going on and on and on, baby ritz has been getting up every hour in nights for feeds.. So its like feed burp put down go back to bed, drift to sleep and then the moment u hit the sweet sleep spot smack up again :(. PLus my periods are back, i really really hoped that my dearest aunt flo will not visit me soon, but not only did she visit she has been a real bitch offff late .. i bleed with painful cramps every 15 days ..MY OB gyn has taken the wait and watch approach as hormonal treatments can cause issues with BM supply. I have been surviving on dolo/ combiflam for teh tough days. Lets hope this is the last of painful cycle and it settles down by June as my gyane expects it to!! Otherwise i am not sure how will i manage because i definitely want to feed BR till he self weans.. lets see how it goes ..

Weeeowee that was a long one! Leaving u with my first fluff photo!IMG_20160516_171211.jpg

 

baby Ritz, JLT, Uncategorized

Typical Morning

Me:Good morning Neelu

Neel: aggooooo

Me: are u hungry

Neel: ungaaaa

Me: Ok lets feed u

1 hr later

Me: Are u still hungry

neel: (after a smile) ungaaaa

1 hr later

me: Are u hungry

Neel: *Silence*

Me: Shall we Sleep

Neel: scream fist fight scream

Me: Enough sleep time cue begin rocking/patting

Neel: more screams

Me: sleep na baby

Neel: getting tired, now whimpering

Me: good boy

Neel: Ungaaaa

Me: Okie hungry again? here (offering boob)

Neel: drinking noisily as if hungry from decades

repeat loop 5 times

me: Done?, now can v sleep

Neel: *silence* looking around

me: sleep off neel

Neel: nananananna

Me: okie let me help u begin rocking/patting/singing

Neel: hmmm eyes drowsy

Me: I love u

Neel: aooooooo(almost as if saying I love u too)

 

 

baby Ritz, Mommyhood after infertility, Musings, Uncategorized

The darkside of motherhood

So yes.. this is one of those posts which can make u possibly hate me. I have been debating about writing this post for a long time but since this is the only place where i can write any truth well so be it. I would totally understand if u unfollow me after this or I get trolled but here it goes

Sometimes i hate my baby, sometimes i detest his very presence in mylife. I detest that motherhood has no holidays, no sick leaves, no time outs. No day where u get up in morning peacefully and just go back to bed curling up with a book.. And i hate that. I have run into difficult times with baby ritz, i think we hit sleep regression or its just growing up phase. My baby wont go down for naps/sleep. I feed him, change his diaper and feed him some more ideally he would doze of after this but off late he doesnt. Somedays he runs on god knows what energy but some days the lack of naps make him super cranky and he fusses the whole day.  Yesterday and today were his fussy days where he constantly whines into my ears and essentialy head bangs or hits me with his tiny fists to show his frustrations. There have been times when all i could hear thru the day were wails in my ears much after it has stopped. I cant deal with loud noises, i cant take people screaming the TV runs at a super low volume in my house. The constant wailing is taking its toll,the other day this constant rigamorale of pat – sleep- put in crib- awake- wailing back to feed- calm down- pat – sleep the cycle all over again took 3 hours before baby ritz was out and sleeping. Some days i spent the whole day trying to repeat this because baby ritz keeps getting up after 20 mins – 30 mins of nap. I am unable to carry on, despite having help t home to do the household cleaning and cooking. I spent 4.5 years trying to get here,  countless cycles, countless medications to get here and all i can wonder is did i make the lright choice? am i really cut out to be the nurturing mom i thought i was? The other day when screaming got too much i shouted at baby ritz, some days i patted him little hard.. my 3.5 months old baby? smiley happy baby on rare occasions? I have bot colorful toys playgym to play and have fun but all i get is a cry baby who cries pretty much all the time and fusses the other times… be it colic. purple patch, UTI and now sleep regression.. each month i console myself that i will eventually get the giggles and cuddles on regular basis but..And it kills me as a parent, makes me feel so so inadequate, makes me hate myself and hate the world around me.. Its like i am stuck in a rut and there is no way to get out of it. I am a horrid parent and my biggest fear is my kid will grow up with smae insecurities like i did, will grow up hating his own mom like i did.. i am super lost and super guilty to be feeling this way.. Did i force god’s hand? May be god knew that i will be unable to handle a child and therefore the infertility?

baby Ritz, Mommyhood after infertility, Sickness

My baby is sick :(

We are battling with our first sickness and i wish it was a simple one like a common cold or a slight fever. But no my poor baby is battling with a a really aggressive case of UTI. On the saturday before the last 2 baby ritz was slightly cranky and clingy. I had dragged him to the doc (again ) on friday before and he had been termed a well growing healthy baby. So naturally when i told man ritz on the mentioned saturday that baby ritz was not doing well he blasted me and my over motherly paranoia.. but i knew something was not right when we spent the entire saturday lethargic and crying thru feeds. On checking his temperature i realised he had a temp of 99.5. Out came the babygesic drops and sponge baths when by night or early morning his temp didnt drop we dragged him to the ER. There the doc termed it as dehyration fever since he hadnt been feeding well, asked for some blood work and sent us home stating show the blood work to the local clinic.

 

We went to the local clinic in morning, where the attending doc said baby is not feeding well due to blocked nose ( really???) so we got his nose aspirated and came backhome thinking now that he is feeding well things might improve. We went back at 9 in the night because the fever had started to rise and got his blood work done! Man ritz was travelling the same night so i wanted to be sure that there was nothing to worry. Alas his blood work came up and down the platellet count was low WBC high andthe crp value skyrocketed to 53!

We rushed him to the doc on monday morning, who was about to send me back home saying its nothing when he checked the crp value. He immediately admitted baby ritz in hospital and ran few more tests. A canula was put in my tiny baby’s hand and we started antibiotic infusion 3 times a day 2 medicines. When the culture report came in we figured my baby has urinary tract infection and a severe case as that. So we were instructed to continue antibiotic infusion for 7 days in total. Every day along withdad i took my tiny baby to hospitals he learnt to recognize and smile durig this time. Everydayhe would look at the nurses recognize them and smile and then promptly latch himself to my boobs while i wud hold him and cry my eyes out. This made me forget any modesty i had and ny shyness while nursing. I nursed my baby every where  in hopsital wards, in the car in parking lots every where.

 

On day 4 we wanted to get the canula changed and they couldnt find a vein again in my poor baby’s hands so they promptly attached a canula to his right leg.We came homeafter a mid night infusion and in the morning i got up to see baby ritz had kicked the cannula away! it is a miracle that he didnt bleed thru the night! As a result of which we coud not attach another canula to his arm and shifted his course to oral antibiotics which were continued for extended 7 days. Thankfully on retesting we found the infection gone, but things are not very ok with his bladder. So we had to do 2-3 more tests according to which its a wait and watch game on for 3 months. Thankfully his kidneys are doing fine!!!

My 3 month baby spent most of the last 2 weeks in hospital 😦 even on the day of his 3rd month bday :(. I hope we can move past this instance and the damage is not much:( i pray things only look up from now and we never have to go through this again. Please pray for us now