baby Ritz, IVF #2, milestones, Mommyhood after infertility

Solids sleep and sanity!

Baby Ritz started solids!!! So over the last few weeks we had a small ceremony at home where we dressed my baby like a groom and made him have his first bite of rice pudding called payesh in Bengali 🙂 and my baby loved it!!!!  Post that we have taken blw approach despite much opposition from parent unit. It’s been a week and half and honestly I am not sure if baby Ritz is eating anything. Till now we ordered him banana,mango, boiled potatoes, boiled carrot, some semolina pudding. He ate very little,i even put some in his mouth and Pat it came back.. we are still feeding on demand so I m not too worried. Anything to avoid the hassle of wondering what my baby shud eat so we will go the blw path for some time more. Shout out to drunkstorks.wordpress.com and awaitingautumn.wordpress.com for agreeing to help me.

The last few weeks in fact the last few months have been whirlwind. we had we had our first family illness and our first vacation. We went on a short trip to Kolkata and the difference in temp caused us to go bonkers. Man Ritz fell sick so sick that he was absolutely down and out for two days. He had a fever of about 104 degree! It’s a miracle that he didn’t fall down or pass out! Mommy Ritz was down with cold and was about to hit the sack with fever when baby Ritz developed some cold. We had to rush to ER twice and get nebulized with adrenaline. We were doing that at home as well. Thankfully before going on our first vacation to Goa bub recovered ! Only to be hit by a growth spurt! So the entire vacation I spent feeding bub .. round the clock every hour in day and every two hours in night!

Which brings us to the sleep bit of my post.. my bub just won’t sleep! V have hit another I dunno what he just won’t go down for more than 15-20 mins. Sometimes he just won’t go down! Whole day some one shud be around talking playing ofcourse we get very tired and the super cranky. But try as I may I can’t make him sleep for more than 45 mins at stretch and that too when I am with him all the time! How do i catch rest! I move in my sleep and slight movement bub is up! We went through a phase where BR just wanted to feed through out the night.. like every hour. Then he would wake up fully at 4:30 and want to play and scream.. well needless to say I m beginning to lose it.. my parents were in town for few days so atleast I could get the tiny things like getting the party and the ceremony organized but I am still running on tonnes of sleep deficit. Adding to this to save me from getting up we started co sleeping and now man Ritz just accidents wakes baby Ritz up my either putting his hans on his face or by sleeping on his hand. I am not sure which is more cumbersome getting out thrice plus time every night or feeding 5 plus times lying down? Aah I hate baby choices….

So yeah it’s been 7.5 months of baby Ritz and the point where life is suppose to return to new normal is just moving farther away.. amongst other things baby Ritz is pro at rolling now and diaper changes are night mare! We can half sit now.. like of I keep him on my lap with his head on the crook of my arm he wi sit up! We love colors and soft toys. we have a special favorite a rag doll! But we are as naughty as naughty gets!!! Screaming shouting giggling.. all good nice and cuddly But  I am going insane with lack of sleep

 

 

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baby Ritz, IVF #2

knock knock

I am back after a hiatus of almost a month. There is no other reason for my absence except it was festive season in India and i was busy with festivities in my giant pregnant belly. The another reason I was away from the blog was now i spend most of my online time looking for things to buy for baby ritz.

In india there is a custom of not buying baby things till the baby is born – It results from the fact that the erst while india was a poor country where malnutrition was rampant and living conditions were very poor so the survival rate of babies born were low hence the practice to avoid heart ache to the new parents. I was on the edge for a very long time. i had mentioned in my earlier posts that this pregnancy has made me believe in lot of juju’s. Well i was not ready to break any age old tradition, yet i just couldnt wait and let others pick out items for my baby. So after a long struggle i caved in and once the damn broke there has been a barrage of shopping stuff for baby. This has done wonders for me to quench the anxiety that i faced around this pregnancy.

I got a list from one of my close friends who has been blessed with a baby gal this january,  so stuff i bought for baby ritz

  1. set of onsies – Bought 4 full sleeves from First cry, 5 from mother care
  2. Sleep suits – bought set of 3 from mother care
  3. Mittens, booties and caps – bought set of 4 from amazon.in
  4. quick dry sheet – brand quick dry bought 2 L and one medium from firstcry.in
  5. baby soap – bought chicco from mother care
  6. Baby massage oil – bought himalayas from babyoye
  7. Muslin squares for baby – bought 2 sets of 6 each from mothercare
  8. baby changing mat with sheet – bought from mothercare.in
  9. Baby wipes – mother care no fragnance set of 24 – 5 packs from mother care
  10. Baby travel system – Bought graco mirage travel plus – baby oye
  11. Swaddling blankets – set of 4 bought from hopscotch, set of 1 brought from mother care
  12. baby towel – bought from mother care
  13. Cotton squares – set of 6 bought from mother care

Stuff for mommy

  1. Disposable panties set of 3 – Health and glow
  2. Feeding gown – 1 from baby oye
  3. maternity bra – set of 2 from mother care
  4. disposable breast pads – set of 3 brand peagion from mother care

so last 2 weekends i have been busy shopping for baby items and sometimes i feel underwhelmed and under prepared still 😀 but yeah we are getting there.

getting baby home is not that easy, there are so many things to discuss and think about, like how to sleep with the baby? do u want to co sleep or let her sleep in a crib? do u bathe her urself or get someone to massage him or her?do u prepare urself for diaper or buy nappies and do the rigamorale?

I am trying to do all the research and get myself ready, I just hope when baby ritz decide to come i am prepared! I just hope she comes on closer to her due date than before.. These days i have heard a bunch of mommies give birth to baby early l.. as early as 33rd week and yeah these kinda stories freak me out! The paranoid around this pregnancy has definitely lessened but not gone yet. Everynight i worry about doing something that wud hurt baby and bring on a onset of early labour.

I know i have spent most of my pregnancy in throes of depression, and i still worry about every little twitch or pain. But the feeling of a miracle of life inside u is amazing.. The little kicks and the flips.. i still have tough time believing download (1)

Angel Baby #3, IVF #2, Vanishing twins

Mahi..

Thank you so much people for reaching out to support me for my last few posts. I am over whelmed and i pray baby m is peaceful where ever he is. We chose to name him mahi after Mahendra  Singh Dhoni. The name will resonate with those who love and follow international cricket.He is one of the best captain india has seen in a long time and he will be unequalled in many years to come. Me and MR are huge cricket fans and absolutely crazy about msd so we had decided we will call our twin 1 as mahi which is his nick name. I have had a long journey for something most of us take for granted. I have mentioned before i have had a unkind childhood and my relation with my parents are cordial at its best. I am not really close to them. Having a baby is my way of putting things right for myself and giving my child the childhood i never had. Sorry i digress as i was saying it took us close to 5 years and countless days of tears trauma and disappointment to finally reach the stage we are in. So loosing one of them has been incredibly hard. I guess in a nut shell what i am trying to say is i am attempting to write this post to let mahi go and to hope he decides to come back to us as a later in life.. May be he has gone to make life beautiful for someone who deserves him more. Dear Mahi, If u had let mamma she wud have loved u and held u close to her forever.. So long dear farewell.. It is good bye atleast for now  You will be missed forever..  Lots of love Mommy 

IVF #2

The transfer fiasco…

Things have been pretty up and down since the transfer as most of you have read, so i finally thought i will share with all of you the story of my transfer.

Post the Egg retrieval on Saturday we get to know that there are four embies that have fertilized. All four of them were doing good and growing as per schedule. So i was hoping this time for blastocyst transfer but alas that was not to be. Dr ritz called us on monday morning and said we were just on 4 and its better we do a 3 day transfer . She asked us to come by 11:30 to discuss and then said we will have the procedure by 12:30.

After much discussion we decided to put in 3 best looking embryos and let the remaining 1 grow to blastocyst and frozen.  Post that she asks me to get to ET room and get prepared. Now comes my worst nightmare the ET happens with a full bladder! it takes me 1/2 hr to get the bladder full but the nurses are after me get it full asap! they keep bugging me to drink gallons of water to get it full. So after about 15 mins and frantic water drinking i get to the extremely cold ET room and wait for Dr ritz to turn up. Result? My bladder is bursting so the moment dr ritz gowns up i go i have to pee!!! I go to the loo and the crazy nurses instruct me to not pee much!!!!! So dutifully i go and pee enough to release pressure on my bladder a little and come back on the table. They put my legs up in stirrups and dr starts with what beautiful embryos i have and how its a 10min job ifonly she can get the damn clamp to stay in my uterus mouth and get it open. Its clenched tight! She coaxes me cajoles me and asks me to relax but nothing happens .. all i can think is if i relax my uterus i will pee!!!! So finaly Dr ritz gets frustrated and asks for steel clamps because they are better! The moment she puts steel in my VJJ i panick thinking i will pee on her hands!!! Dr ritz being rockstar figures finally wat is wrong and asks me if i m feeling too full!  I shamefully admit i am and to my utter horror she and the crazy nurses starts laughing !!! and she puts a catheter to take out the extra pee and then we get done with transfer in 5 mins !! I know most of you dont get it but people who have been through IUIs and transfers know the pains of a full bladder and the disgusting feeling that comes with it!

Post the process dr ritz tells me we want full bladder for your transfer and not bursting one!

IVF #2, Pregnancy woes

Anxious

I have heard fairly regularly and known it all along that pregnancy after infertility can be tough.. But this anxiety is just killing. I have continued to bleed on and off this week. Post the sunday debacle I bled and passed few clots on wednesday and then passed a big one last night. I had a scan done yest morning and baby ritzes are doing fine . They are growing right on measure with nice heartbeats but the bright blood just freaks the hell out of me. I have panic consulted dr ritz and my new OB and both of them assured me it is something called as subchronic haemotoma and nothing to worry about as long as i am not bleeding mad. Apprently All i need is a slowed down life without fancy travel or  too much work  and this will  sort itself out not even bed rest is required.. But i have been fretting and worrying every moment and cant seem to get out of this anxiety. I have read on the net and as usual there have been both rainbow stories and morbid ones. I know baby ritzes are working hard in there .. And i shud just relax and lay back.. But some how this feeling of absolute dread is not going away. This week i wanted to spend time blogging and letting the blog world know about my transfer story (its a hilarious one) and my bfp story .. But between morning sickness and this i have been pretty bummed! I pray and hope this sub chronic nonsense just solves itself and baby ritzes can feel what a cool girl mommy ritz is 🙂

BFP, IVF #2, Pregnancy woes, Twins!

Preganancy update

I am sorry i have been missing in action trust me i am definitely not one o those who gets pregnant and vanishes from the face of earth. I have had a mad time truly speaking the last 1 and half week has been the most scary roller coaster ride.

Let me start from the beginning. After our last beta on 27th of may Doctor asked us to get an early pregnancy scan done on Monday june 1. Thankfully for us we had guests over on weekend so i was a little less bundle of nerves. But by the time sunday evening rolled in i was a bundle of nerves, breathless tired but wide awake. I kept picturing ultrasound with junior where in the first US there was nothing and the though of facing another ultrasound alone was daunting.  I had told P and spoken to her to come along because in India they dont allow hubby inside the scan room if its a transvaginal ultrasound ( hypocrisy at its best) . However it was all in vain because the radiologist didn’t let p come in. So i was asked to undress and lie on the table… In my hurry i undressed half (didn’t remove my underpants!) The radiologist was in a grumpy mood and just gave me the look .After i was ready she started with ultrasound saying diamniotoc dichromatic twin sacs noted. There was no tv in front of me so i just couldn’t understand.. I freaked out thinking something is wrong with my pregnancy. Before i could ask radiologist continued twin 1.. Thats when it clicked that we are having twins!!!! Yeah there were 2 sacs 🙂 both the twins measured 4 wk – 5 days in their measurement with yolk sac and fetal pole defined in twin 1 and not so defined in twin 2. We were ofcourse super joyed and just very very happy. I hugged man ritz and p.. I almost ended up hugging p first 🙂  As of now we have nicknamed them baby m and baby j. Baby j is the one lagging from baby m a little.

I kept worrying about  the lag whole week and googling myself crazy about vanishing twins didnt help. Based on Dr ritz’s advice we had scheduled the next scan after 10 days ie on next thursday and by weekend  i had myself in tizzy. To get a little away from this all i planned to visit a friend and stay over for few days at their place because man ritz was busy and i wanted some distraction.  Actually one of my other friend was going out o town and needed me to support his wife and kid as they were alone the first time. I obviously said yes ( i know stupid choice in hindsight) we have been trying to meet up for long and i turned him down multiple times. So i spend sunday in cooking spree.. Getting food ready for MR for 2 days washing cloths to ensure he has something to wear and getting house cleaned up. By afternoon i was tired and sleepy and somehow caught a shut eye for about 1 hour. MR needless to say was very upset with my decision and felt i was being unreasonable on myself. We ended up having a small fight because i was tired of being alone and worrying myself to death  i looked at this as an opportunity to take my mind off and i argued with him about being independent and how i was only pregnant and not terminally ill. Anyhoo we reach there and i dont feel very good, tired and well blah. After MR leaves i tell my friends wife about being pregnant and also about the history of loosing juniors all the while picking her 1 yr ol kid and roaming around. In my mind i am thinking about how Tuesday marks the time line in pregnancy at 6w2days when we lost junior when i feel a sudden gush. I think its pee and continue talking to her. After 10 mins i tell her i need to freshen up and head to loo. The gush is actually blood lot of it.. blood in my underwear and my bottom and a lot of it  around me in the pot. I panic call MR back ask him to come immediately and frantically try to reach dr ritz. My poor friends wife has now her hands full with a screaming kid and a panicked me. Repeated calls to dr ritz yield no result so i drop her a message. I pass one big and one tiny clot but after that the bleeding arrests and turns to spotting. Meanwhile Dr Ritz call back and tells me if i contunue to bleed heavily and cramp to seek medical attention else come by tommorrow for another scan. MR gets back and we spend the night calling up hospitals to try and get emergency scans. Apparently you cannot have a pregnancy emergency in bangalore on a sunday none of the hospitals are staffed to do a calm so there was nothing left to do but wait till monday morning. So poor MR returns home once more because pista needs to be fed and we wait the night out i am surprisingy calm through this entire thing and even sleep well. Next day we go for emergency scan and praise the lord ! Baby ritzes are absolutely fine and measuring on date!  baby m is measuring 6wks and baby j is measuring 5wks and 6 days. For Baby m the doc sees a  flicker of hb she says its too early to put a number. Then we go to baby j and her heart is beating away to glory… 122bpm!!! So the doctor gets back to baby m and his heart is at 91bpm. Most likely baby m is a slow starter and goes after man ritz and baby j is like me fiery!

Post that i have taken it easy and have put myself on bed rest as much, also changed my ideologies about pregnancy and decided 9 months of taking it easy is a small price to pay for getting baby ritzes safely delivered.

Fortunately baby ritzes are giving me enough signs in terms of morning sickness.  Last week was queasy but this week its bad i have had 2 puking episodes till now and one case of major lightheaded ness.. I bled a little again on wed so we are getting another scan on Saturday!!!

Till then please keep baby ritzes in your prayers i have been pretty anxious especially with the bleeding episodes. But yes i am going to be a twin mommy!

BFP, IVF #2, Rising Betas

the beta hcg maze..

I am fairly educated by indian standards. Typically bengali parents are maniacs in terms of their children’s education. I have a bachelor of engineering degree and a masters in business administration add to that 12 years of education in schools which have decent high standards. So pressure to perform has always been high for us. However out of the multiple thousands of exams i gave unit tests, quaterlies, half yearlies and finals have never faced the stress waiting for results of any of them as much as i worried about getting beta hcg done. I am not exaggerating when i say this rising betas are the best results u will get in your entire life time. I know it sounds ridiculous but nothing gives an infertile more peace than knowing the little beans inside you are growing nicely not even world peace 🙂

Its been a nerve wrecking week.. After i got my bfp to actually believe that i am indeed pregnant. The tiny embies inside me have been supportive. We have made demands on them again and again and they have been screaming mommy here we are!

So my beta story

8dp3dt – 53.91

11dp3dt – 240

13dp3dt – 524.86

15dp3dt – 1193.20

We are finally done with last beta. 1193.20 was the highest beta we reached in any of our pregnancies so thank you embies.  No we are waiting for scan. I am just hoping we see our beans and they are doing all right … That would be a first as well ..

Grow babies.. Stick and grow 🙂