baby Ritz, milestones, Mommyhood after infertility

5 months :)

We are 5 months!!!!! yeah we spent a good 152 days on this earth :)!!!! I have been around, just post mom dad leaving all hell has broken loose!! I have no idea where allthe time goes!!!! πŸ˜€

Bubs is a hand full, he likes to talk play and is extremely fond of the idea is that mommy is a milk vending machine, a transporter and a poop cleaner rolled into one! πŸ˜€ Also it is his firm belief that napping is for babies with weak heart! So even though our eyes get droopy and watery with sleep we will not sleep at all! it is very very tiring for mumma!!! because she has to be up and entertaining from 7 in morning till 8 in night along with other chores!!!

in other milestones we rolled over!! both ways !!! ON 14th may BR was trying to tilt his head to look at his dad gardening and just ended up taking momentum and turning all the way on his tummy. Though off late i m sure it was fluke because he hasn’t done it ever again! he can turn to his both sides but does not go the complete way!!!Though he has started to enjoy his tummy time a lot more. And sometimes when he gets very tired, he just goes back on his back on his own!!! Β  Β We have started mouthing too, so anything and everything we can get our hands on gets in to our mouth and yeah along with transporter and poop cleaner mom is a chew toy too!! i have been chewed on multiple times .. this tiny ball of human will one day grow teeth!! it seems unbelievable!

BR smiles and giggles a lot, it sometimes seems like a third party thing still. Like its all happening in a dream. This happy cute bundle of joy cant be real!! i love it when he sleeps on me, i love the smell and the tiny hands hugging me .. love the way the tiny hands hang on to my neck. We are still following gentle parenting and are into feeding on demand, babywearing and well in gen letting baby ritz be the boss. And yes we moved to cloth diapers!!!!!! That was a big deal for me, thankfully BR is not a pooper! we get damaged once in few days i am lucky that way πŸ˜€ We started with one AIO, one pocket, one cover and one fitted. I think i have found my peace with pockets and AIOs, in last month my stash moved form 4 diapers and 6 inserts to 21 diapers and god only knows how many inserts!! We are big on flats too. Though we are yet to move away from disposables in night, I did get couple of charcoal bamboo inserts and mostly will try and see if i can move aay from disposable soon. I bot a disposable pack with wetness indicator just to see how much does baby ritz pee in the night so that i can figure of we can go all the way w/o changing diaper in the night. We are going through sleep regression and i want to reduce baby ritz’s waking up as much as possible

I have been really really bust off late, i dont now what am i doing wrong but i seem to be having a melt down every other day. This when the hard parts like teething, sickness, separation anxiety has not started yet. We have just hit sleep regression and the regression is going on and on and on, baby ritz has been getting up every hour in nights for feeds.. So its like feed burp put down go back to bed, drift to sleep and then the moment u hit the sweet sleep spot smack up again :(. PLus my periods are back, i really really hoped that my dearest aunt flo will not visit me soon, but not only did she visit she has been a real bitch offff late .. i bleed with painful cramps every 15 days ..MY OB gyn has taken the wait and watch approach as hormonal treatments can cause issues with BM supply. I have been surviving on dolo/ combiflam for teh tough days. Lets hope this is the last of painful cycle and it settles down by June as my gyane expects it to!! Otherwise i am not sure how will i manage because i definitely want to feed BR till he self weans.. lets see how it goes ..

Weeeowee that was a long one! Leaving u with my first fluff photo!IMG_20160516_171211.jpg

 

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baby Ritz, JLT, Uncategorized

Typical Morning

Me:Good morning Neelu

Neel: aggooooo

Me: are u hungry

Neel: ungaaaa

Me: Ok lets feed u

1 hr later

Me: Are u still hungry

neel: (after a smile) ungaaaa

1 hr later

me: Are u hungry

Neel: *Silence*

Me: Shall we Sleep

Neel: scream fist fight scream

Me: Enough sleep time cue begin rocking/patting

Neel: more screams

Me: sleep na baby

Neel: getting tired, now whimpering

Me: good boy

Neel: Ungaaaa

Me: Okie hungry again? here (offering boob)

Neel: drinking noisily as if hungry from decades

repeat loop 5 times

me: Done?, now can v sleep

Neel: *silence* looking around

me: sleep off neel

Neel: nananananna

Me: okie let me help u begin rocking/patting/singing

Neel: hmmm eyes drowsy

Me: I love u

Neel: aooooooo(almost as if saying I love u too)

 

 

baby Ritz, Mommyhood after infertility, Sickness

My baby is sick :(

We are battling with our first sickness and i wish it was a simple one like a common cold or a slight fever. But no my poor baby is battling with a a really aggressive case of UTI. On the saturday before the last 2 baby ritz was slightly cranky and clingy. I had dragged him to the doc (again ) on friday before and he had been termed a well growing healthy baby. So naturally when i told man ritz on the mentioned saturday that baby ritz was not doing well he blasted me and my over motherly paranoia.. but i knew something was not right when we spent the entire saturday lethargic and crying thru feeds. On checking his temperature i realised he had a temp of 99.5. Out came the babygesic drops and sponge baths when by night or early morning his temp didnt drop we dragged him to the ER. There the doc termed it as dehyration fever since he hadnt been feeding well, asked for some blood work and sent us home stating show the blood work to the local clinic.

 

We went to the local clinic in morning, where the attending doc said baby is not feeding well due to blocked nose ( really???) so we got his nose aspirated and came backhome thinking now that he is feeding well things might improve. We went back at 9 in the night because the fever had started to rise and got his blood work done! Man ritz was travelling the same night so i wanted to be sure that there was nothing to worry. Alas his blood work came up and down the platellet count was low WBC high andthe crp value skyrocketed to 53!

We rushed him to the doc on monday morning, who was about to send me back home saying its nothing when he checked the crp value. He immediately admitted baby ritz in hospital and ran few more tests. A canula was put in my tiny baby’s hand and we started antibiotic infusion 3 times a day 2 medicines. When the culture report came in we figured my baby has urinary tract infection and a severe case as that. So we were instructed to continue antibiotic infusion for 7 days in total. Every day along withdad i took my tiny baby to hospitals he learnt to recognize and smile durig this time. Everydayhe would look at the nurses recognize them and smile and then promptly latch himself to my boobs while i wud hold him and cry my eyes out. This made me forget any modesty i had and ny shyness while nursing. I nursed my baby every where Β in hopsital wards, in the car in parking lots every where.

 

On day 4 we wanted to get the canula changed and they couldnt find a vein again in my poor baby’s hands so they promptly attached a canula to his right leg.We came homeafter a mid night infusion and in the morning i got up to see baby ritz had kicked the cannula away! it is a miracle that he didnt bleed thru the night! As a result of which we coud not attach another canula to his arm and shifted his course to oral antibiotics which were continued for extended 7 days. Thankfully on retesting we found the infection gone, but things are not very ok with his bladder. So we had to do 2-3 more tests according to which its a wait and watch game on for 3 months. Thankfully his kidneys are doing fine!!!

My 3 month baby spent most of the last 2 weeks in hospital 😦 even on the day of his 3rd month bday :(. I hope we can move past this instance and the damage is not much:( i pray things only look up from now and we never have to go through this again. Please pray for us now

baby Ritz, Mommyhood after infertility, Musings, Uncategorized

Day 54 of Life ..

Today babyritz is celebrating day 54 of his life, that is how the docs in NICU measure my little bean once he was out in terms of days. All his report read day 7 of life these tests were done, he weighed so and so at day 10 of life. Initially when we got baby home we were shit scared and continued to measure him thru days like we crossed day 11 of his life and baby is alive πŸ™‚

Soon as other milestones started the concept of days diminished and now we are measuring baby in weeks and in months but the days measure is still etched in my mind. Almost as a proof of all that we went through on the journey of parent hood. I know with this statement most of the people will laugh and let me know that its not even the beginning of beginning. But these few weeks have been hard and reveling on how deep motherhood goes. And i almost am on the verge if taking back all the harsh words i ever called other mom’s whose children throw a tantrum in super market or have caused me inconvenience in the flights i took.

When ever i met a new mom i always wondered on how happy they looked, how content and how perfect but offlate i have started to wonder was it my infertility blinkers that made me look at a picture perfect ‘grass being greener on other side’. There have been major meltdowns in these weeks, where in nights my baby has cried and i have cried with him because i am unable to comfort him, or understand him. I wonder all the time is motherhood so hard or the fact that i had him after so much of struggle i am over critical on myself. In middle of all this there is literature thrown at ur face saying sleep train ur baby, now a new one pee train ur baby.. and u wonder where is the time? To even think? let alone a routine.. then u wonder what if its too late to set up a routine? what if ur kid actually is that bawling kid in supermarket?

We are on day 54 of life and we are still taking one day at a time, there are things still being pushed saying may be next day, next time.. but i am happy to say that we are slowly getting into a bath and after bath nap routine. Yest was the first night where baby slept peacefully thru getting up only twice for feeds, that too sleeping right off after drinking. Lets hope this continues and is beginning of less sleep nights instead of sleepless nights