Its December!!!

Its December!!!

Yup its December and in another month and half my life will change forever. Its funny how  every december for last 4 years i have been wondering and dreading spending another christmas child less and depressed

https://randomeraccessmemory.wordpress.com/2014/12/22/auld-lang-syne/

https://randomeraccessmemory.wordpress.com/2013/12/25/another-year-another-christmas/

and finally there comes a december where I am pregnant!!! and i will have a beautiful baby in next 7 weeks! it seems unbelievable!and as is norm with me I am freaking out!!! the 4 years that i waited to have a child have given me a lot of time to dwell on infertility and ‘PLAN’ how i want my child to grow up! But now i am not too sure .. i feel i was so focused on getting the child here that i am absolute zero on how he/she shud be bought up! or what am i going to do when i will actually get the baby home!

There are so many questions in my mind and ofcourse as is my nature i want everything to be perfect for me and the baby. But i guess slowly i am realizing that whatever happens i cant plan my life – Or that i have to let go of notions. Though honestly i am surprised at myself i though the infertility and the pregnancy would have helped me get rid of the picture perfect planogram that i call my life. But there i am back guess old habits die hard!

So as this year draws close, instead of wallowing in how unfair my life is or freaking out about how underprepared i am .. This christmas I will pray for  strength to Let it go, strength to deal with life as it comes and strength to bring up a child who can give back to this world!